Thought for the day...

"Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle."
--Phillips Brooks

 I read this quote on a blog I follow called "Down Abbie's Road" and it went with my thought pattern of the day.  A young person I know lost her father in a car accident a couple of days ago and my heart aches for her and her family.  They are a wonderful family and a close family.

I was thinking of how life surprises us.  In our youth we plan for our future and we lay out the world as we think it will be, but it never ends up that way.  Because as much as we try to control our own destiny, we are much too small to really do much about it.  Things happen, because we live in a world that doesn't run smoothly...and the life we plan may not be the life we get.  We may make choices that take us down different roads, maybe good, maybe bad.  We may find ourselves with an illness that we didn't expect, or a handicapped child, or a mental illness,  or even a loss that changes everything.  Our parents may have been inept parents, or maybe even parents that abandoned us or hurt us...or maybe just normal parents doing the best they can imperfectly.   Our children may have problems we didn't anticipate in our perfect dreams, etc, etc, etc. 
Good things surprise us also, we find a passion for something  we never expected, we win a vacation, we recieve an inheritance, we find a mate after being single for thirty years, we have a child when told we couldn't...etc. etc. etc.  and life ends up being very different from the way we planned it.

We can either embrace all of life and live the one we've been given or we can long for the one we didn't get. I am an artist and I create things and sometimes to get to the end that I want the creative process involves destroying things.  Smashing tile, ripping paper, tearing, scrunching, digging, gouging, even throwing things away, but in the end  I hope to get beauty.  If  the things I destroy could talk back to me they might wonder what I am doing.  They might cry and complain and stomp their feet in anger.  They might weep for their losses.  They might question their very existence.  They might give up hope.

I happen to believe we are part of a big work of art that we cannot see the completeness of because we are too small.  Even though I do all the things that my pieces might do in the midst of the crushing process of life, I do not do one.  I do not give up hope.  Why? Because I also believe that someday I may get to see the amazing work of art that is created from all the brokenness around me.  And I continually stand in awe of the miraculous people I see around me who endure the challenges of life and keep giving of themselves to others. So tonight I pray for that young lady and her family that they may come through this horrible tragedy and become a miracle.

I'm in Rochester!

Pattern for the sign of Luvaboos luvaboos.com

This weekend I am in Rochester working on the store.  A lot of progress is happening and even though there have been days of spinning my wheels in a non productive way, things are looking up.  All I know is that if I ever move out of Whitesboro NY I am moving where there is a Kinkos.  After a week of trying to get an enlargement of Heather's Logo  to use as a pattern that didn't cost my firstborn grandchild, we were able to get one done in about 10 minutes at Kinkos.

Last week I did the mosaic that is on the front of the building.  Heather wanted an organic metro look.

Here it is in progress.  I used glass tile, stained glass, mirror, small pieces of copper, green marble, metal tiles, glass gems,  many cut to different sizes by me assistant Crystal.

Last weekend my son, Steve and his wife, Heather, Crystal, my assistant and friend, went there to install the mosaic and work inside the store.  Steve and Heather did some building in the windows and installed flooring in the windows as well as other carpentry work.  My son-in-law worked on repairing the tin ceiling and my daughter Heather (it is confusing; 2 Heathers)  took care of the grandsons, worked on her inventory and brought us 'Sticky Lips', which is amazing barbecue.   I took this picture at night in the rain.  Tomorrow I want to get a better picture, but I wanted you to see the copper trim we found under the old chipped paint.  Another hidden treasure.

Inside, the ceiling is done.  Topher, (my son-in-law) sprayed it after cleaning it (with help from my husband) with primer, rust blocking primer, and glossy white paint.  I rarely recommend white ceilings, but this ceiling with all its beautiful detail, screamed white to me.  White-white, which in my opinion is Behr ultra pure white, the whitest paint in a can that I know.  They also sprayed the brass chandeliers.

Today wall color was started.  Heather loves the colors of fall, so there is a burnt orange wall, a coffee bean brown wall, and a gorgeous green wall. 
Look at the ceiling against the wall...

The green wall is my baby.  I am doing a wrinkled silk finish on it.  Actually I use tissue paper to do this.  A special heavier tissue paper that I order.  It involves painting, applying the tissues and painting again, then the layers of glaze go on depending on the effect that is desired.  Here are pictures of the process so you can see why it is better for the owners to be gone when a complicated finish begins on a wall.  It can look rather scary to the person who is paying a good amount for you to put a 'mess' on their wall.

This is what it looks like as the paper is being applied.  Even though this is a heavier tissue than most it is still easily torn when wet so you have to be careful as you are applying it on the wall.  You can also vary the amount of wrinkle in the paper and one has to resist regularity so that it remains organic and natural looking.  There are variations where you can use regularity to your advantage also.  It depends on the look.  So this is the first step.  ( there are so many wonderful ways to do a tissue paper finish, dimensional stencils, patterns or words underneath, squares and rectangles, paint underneath, metallic glaze on top...)

If you look at this full size you should be able to see the wrinkles in it.  It is now flat to the wall , the next step  is the glaze to enhance the effect. 

It is incredibly fun to watch this space change and to listen to people comment on it as they pass by.  Even though it is tiring, I love changing spaces and enhancing environments.  This old dirty shop is becoming beautiful and creative design does this.  It is in an area of Rochester where many small businesses are blossoming and you can feel the sense of neighborhood in the air and in the people who stop to talk.  While we were working on the mosaic a business owner across the street brought us bags of popcorn, the landlord who own the fish market next door feeds them wonderful fish sandwiches and fish fries.  Old things are becoming new again because people see with creative eyes.  This kind of atmosphere breeds hope instead of the despair of deterioration.

  Well, that is all for now but there will be more to come as well as her grand opening in November.  If you are in Rochester, stop by and say "Hi".

Beginnings in Rochester

Well we are beginning a new experience in Rochester.  My daughter, who has had an online business for a little over a year luvaboos.com is opening a "brick and mortar" store, which for the uninitiated into the world of our internet connected world means a store with actual walls rather than virtual ones.  She has been looking for a location for a while and finally found a place.  She is a creative also and is able to see beyond the obvious into the possible.  So she found a lump of coal that she is polishing into a jewel.  And it was more closely related to coal than you might think because it used to be a print shop and there was black ink dust liberally scattered throughout the space.

I started taking pictures after the cleanup process began.  As they began cleaning it up they began to uncover some of the building's old character.  After discussions of how to make the drop ceiling look more interesting they happened to look under it and found a beautiful old tin ceiling.

So we began the process of discussing how to make this sow's ear into a silk purse. I began my sample making and design ideas. My first trip there involved seeing different businesses that my daughter liked the feel of and if you ever visit Rochester you can visit them also. The Lovin'Cup at the RIT Barnes and Noble plaza and The Boulder Coffee shop in the South Wedge.

Both are interesting, artsy places with yummy menus.

We also visited another place that is one of my favorite places to go;  the Habitat for Humanity Restore store.

At this place we looked for things to use in the store.  We found three chandeliers, some mirrors, tile for the mosaic, and various odds and ends. These were more sow's ears and many would pass them by.

All this is a little daunting and overwhelming for my daughter and her husband because they are taking a risk with little back up resources and a young family to raise.  But it seems to me that most amazing things happen when people are willing to step out on a limb and risk failure.  All you have to do is research the stories of successful people in all walks of life.  There is a safe way to live life and there is a way that involves risktaking.  I remember hearing of a study done years back that involved questions about the regrets of people towards the end of their years on this earth.  A very common regret was that they didn't take enough risks.  I think about that oftentimes, because I like to be safe...

Developing creativity...and a challenge

 Some scenery I did.  It involved a lot of lines.

When I was small drawing, painting, imagining, were all easily a part of my world and along the way I was encouraged, but fourth grade happened and I was faced with a critic.  We were making papermache' pins for our mother's for mothers day.  I was working on a butterfly.  It was exactly how I wanted it.  It looked like I thought  a butterfly should look, but my teacher looked at it and didn't like it.  She wanted me to make a butterfly like the one another girl had made.  She asked the girl to show me how.  I did not like the other girl's butterfly.  I thought it was ugly, but I was also a dutiful child so I did what my teacher told me.  So I began to learn to hide my art.  It is a feeling that sticks with me to this day.

I am not against critics.  They can improve what you do and make it better.  A good advisor can help you come closer to your own vision.  But that teacher did something destructive...she made me compare my work to someone elses in a negative way.  And I was a child  and I liked my teacher.  I wanted her to like what I was doing.  I had no defenses against negative criticism.

Negative criticism will always be there.  A lot of times it exists in our own head.  Sometimes it's a careless word from another person that sticks like a thorn in the finger.  Sometimes that person wants to hurt us, not necessarily even knowingly, but from their own insecurity and fear of trying something themselves.  So when we are venturing into this new experience that may be scary to us we need to learn  to pick the voices to listen to.  We need to learn to ignore the negative voices in our head and around us and to HEAR the voices that will help us in our process.  When I shut myself off to all the voices because of one negative voice, I lost a lot of positive help.  But when I began to listen again I was able to grow.  This is still a process for me... art is personal but even though it is I am continuing to learn to seperate myself from my work so it can grow more.

So I want to encourage you to try something creative today.  Something different.  Maybe you need to doodle something.  Or tear up some junk mail and and collage it on a piece of paper.  Here's an idea: Take a piece of paper and fold it in half, then fold that in half, then fold that in half.  Now open it up.  Take a pen, or a pencil, or a couple of crayons.  Now just using lines draw something in each section.  In the first section use 2 lines, in the next 3, then 4, and so on.  Try different angles and sizes of lines.  Make each line a different color.  Draw a thick line or a thin line or a curvy line.   The next day do it again, except maybe start with more lines.  Or use triangles, or circles.  Play this way for awhile.  Discover the infinite variety you can do with lines and shapes.  Go back and color in sections... Add glitter, get a rubber stamp, buy a tube of puffy paint...

If anybody does this I would like to see some results.  I would like to share them on this blog.  Maybe you want to hide your tries for awhile and that is okay, but sharing can open up new horizons.

More about Mosaic

The mosaic at the top of my blog was one of my early pieces.  I was inspired by a work of art I saw in a magazine and birch trees.  I love birch trees. They are quintessential Northeast environment to me.
When I see birches bend to left and right
Across the lines of straighter darker trees,
I like to think some boy's been swinging them.
Robert Frost, 'Birches'

To do this one I cut lots of little pieces of glass both with a glass cutter and my leponitt wheeled nippers.  I sealed a piece medium density fiberboard, painted it gold and began gluing pieces to it with my weldbond glue.  I also used some clear glass that I adhered metal leaf to for more sparkle.  I was thinking of fall and all the gorgeous color that comes in the northeast in autumn. Black grout gave it that stained glass look and I was quite happy with it until my son Brett made a comment about it that made me unsatisfied.  Your children will tell what they see quite bluntly.  But one day I found these little glass flat marbles in shades of amber.  So those were adhered to the picture with clear 'goop' and it was complete.  Now I am told by my family that I cannot sell it.  But if someone makes me a good offer...well, for me it's more about the process than the product.

Another mosaic we did was for a shower that was supposed to feel like a jungle. In this process I draw the design on brown builder's paper, cover the paper with plastic dropcloth, then mosaic fiberglass mesh.  The pieces are glued to the mesh.  When it is done and the glue is dry, we cut it in pieces and take them to the place of installation, so instead of working piece by piece on a wall, you are laying sheets of the mosaic to the wall.  Much faster and easier to install.

This shower turned out well.  Of course the client was my son and his wife and they even got their little frog tile in the mosaic.  Now they shower or bathe in a jungle.

Our home is a place where we reconnect with ourselves and our families.  Our environment should be something that enriches us and reminds us that life is short and we should live it.  Maybe you feel unable to do a large mosaic or even a small one, or you can't afford to hire someone like me to do it for you, but you can always throw some color on a wall and hang a giant print of a painting or a photo that makes you happy.  Life is far too short for beige walls and white ceilings,(unless those colors truly refresh you).  Take a risk, do something that will make you smile!

Mosaicing...is that a word?

 My most recent work, the front porch

A few years ago I started doing mosaics.  I found this art form/craft to be deeply satisfying.  I think of all the artforms I explore that mosaic is to me a picture of redemption.  Here is this art that takes pieces of stuff, usually tile of some sort, but also everything from broken china to old toys, stuff that might be discarded or overlooked and puts it all together into something new and beautiful.  Beauty from brokenness.

To do a mosaic I often smash things.  A pizza box , a tile, and a hammer is all you need.  Put the tile in the pizza box and begin to smash it.  This can be a lot of fun.  I like to use a pizza box because it keeps the pieces contained and you can keep lifting the lid to see if you have smashed it enough.  Sometimes things get smashed for me.  I am probably one of the few mothers around here that doesn't care if a dish gets broke,  (well, that is not entirely true,  I will never buy square plates again, even though they do look cool.  Way too easily broken.)I have a big pink rubbermaid container that I call my boneyard that I throw broken china into for use someday.  I was actually digging through it tonight.

And to me that is another metaphor, because sometimes those broken bits can sit in the boneyard for years before I find a use for them.  I wonder if they wonder if they will ever be whole again?  Like we do when our lives get smashed to pieces.  We may never be the same, but we can still be something beautiful, it just might take time for the new artwork to be completed.

In the last year I added a tile saw to my mosaic tools.  A nice saw, very pretty and red, and I love it.  With my saw I can cut strips of tile or different geometric shapes.  It is loud and wet but fun.  The first mosaic mural we did with it took a lot of cutting.  Crystal, who assists me with this, was dressed in a garbage sack, with a hoody over her hair, safety goggles, and gloves.  She was quite a sight, very fashionable.  (Crystal was a model on Paris runways,  I kid her about how far she has fallen, from stilettos to black garbage bags and goggles)

I am sure some of my neighbors, who wonder about the strange people who moved into the neighborhood, question what we do do in the garage.  The sound of saws, people dressed in garbage bags looking mysterious, what does go on in that house?

 Cut pieces of found slate, porcelain tile, and stones

Mosaicing is sort of like putting a puzzle together without a picture.  It stretches the brain and it also can be very meditative.  Seeking, gluing, placing, it becomes rythmic and peaceful.  Then when all the pieces are adhered to the substrate,  it all disappears under a layer of grout.  This is fear-inducing, will I ever see it again?  Have  I buried my work forever?  Will it look good?  And then you begin washing the grout away and under your hands something amazing appears, like finding treasure in the sand.  I love mosaicing.

The grouting begins

Finished with the top, next summer the steps

Hmm...oddness

My husband read my post and commented about the imaginary alligator I had as a child. "You were born odd," he told me, laughing.  He did not know about my alligator friend, but then he sort of remembered the stuffed one I had for the first years of our marriage; a real stuffed alligator about 2 feet long.  This alligator came into my life from my neighbors, John and Doris, the same neighbors that exhibited my work above John's desk.  I was little, about 5 or 6, when they came back from a trip to Florida.  (Before alligators were declared endangered) They were well aquainted with my fantasy alligator and thought a real one would make me very happy.  They put the beast under their coffee table and invited me in the room to see the gift they had for me.  It scared me spitless.  I did not want anything to do with it.  My imaginary alligator was safe and mine, this thing was downright frightening.  Eventually I adjusted to it and I kept it until it was too old and beat up to keep.
Childhood is the time when we either grow in the creativity that we are born with or it begins to be shut down.  Most children create with ease, crayons, paper, glue, and scissors are tools that they use with ease.  But somewhere along the way they begin to compare their work to others, or some misguided adult gives a less than tactful criticism and the creativity begins to get buried.  Especially if one is an introverted child or a child who thinks or speaks in unique ways, does the desire to fit take over and the sparks can disappear.

We need to return to childhood and rediscover wonder.  It never ceases to amaze me how children see the world.  Everything is new, everything a possibility, everything is worth examining.  Children will stare at an interesting person without the cultural knowledge of rudeness, because they see the differences in people as amazing and fascinating.  Children will sit and watch bugs, or feel the slimy coolness of a worm, or discuss their bodily functions with candor, all because it is so wonderful, so entertaining, so unusual.  But along the way they grow up and they learn to conform, to perform, and to quit noticing.  Yes, the ancient wisdom says to put away childish things, but it also says to become like a child.  Be able to believe, to discover, to see possibilities in ordinary things, to wonder....most of all to wonder.  Children know they are small and the world is big.  Children know they don't have the answers to all the questions and that there are so many more questions than answers.  Children know the fun is in finding out.

So I spend my life trying to remember to wonder.  To hold on to small perfect moments like watching bumblebees, or listening to the sounds of life around me, or watching people as they go about their lives.  I am trying to learn to be like a child, to learn that the person who is so disagreeable and unlikeable has a story too.  And maybe if I take the time to find out what that story is, I will understand them better and see the beauty in them.  I am not good at this, I am a beginner...I am embracing my oddness.

Altered and Collaged Books

These were my gifts to my graduating senior piano students.
One is majoring in music and loves the beatles, the other
is off to premed (but I think she will be a fashion designer
or the editor of Vogue) I did that book based on a book I
love called 'Life is a Verb' by Patti Digh.

New Paths, new adventures, even if they are small

I am having so much fun with collage these days. I have fooled around with this art form throughout my life but it is beginning to come together for me now. Making pages and altering books is becoming an obsession. I comb yard sales, secondhand stores, dollar stores, sidewalks, the ground, wherever, for things I can include in my work. I look at everything with new eyes. In the last month, I read a book called The War of Art and it has begun to revolutionize my work, because I realized how much I have let resistance to what I really want and love to do control me. Now I am at war, fighting resistance at every opportunity. I know, that no matter what anybody tells me, that we humans will do what we want to do. We are all given the same 24 hour day and we all have limitations. But too often and possibly all the time we let those limitations control our lives. And the things that truly give us joy and enrich our lives get buried under countless excuses. We have been given one life that we know of for sure and it is up to us to live it. And I believe that when we begin to follow the dreams planted inside of us in whatever little way we can that we will find a route that has many open doors.
I used to question my desire to do many of the things I love to do. After all there is a very needy world out there and why should I be wasting so much time in the garden, or gluing together little things on paper, or piecing tile, etc. etc. etc. but then I saw a special on HGTV about a man called Pearl, who has spent years of his spare time learning the art of topiary even working by spotlight into the dark hours. His property looks like a park full of interesting Dr. Suess like trees and bushes. A lot of people would call it a waste of time. He could have been doing something else that benefited the needy people of the world. But something happened along the way, his confused and questioning neighbors started learning too and other areas of his community were enriched by his art. Now his property is used for church services, group visits, and the inspiration of children. It has become his gift to the world. It has enriched people's lives. I believe that there is in each of us something that fits us and that we are to do. I also believe it is a growing process that may change and take us in directions we never had any idea that we would go. We may do things along the way that we don't like and we may feel like we never can get to where our passion is, but if we fight the war of art and fight the excuses and resistance that stops us and hinders us, even in the most minute way we will go places we never imagined.

It All Began....Introduction

My memories of my early childhood are idyllic. We lived on 5 acres where my brother raised 4H pigs and my sister had a beautiful, quirky, golden, palomino, horse. My horse was a stick horse because my father considered one horseperson in a family enough. I loved my imaginary horse and invented many names for him. I also had an imaginary alligator. I don't remember his name, but he went everywhere with me. I would introduce him to people at restaurants and he would stay with me at night. My father used to worry that people would think I was 'touched in the head' when I would introduce my alligator or complain about him nipping on my toes.

Our property was surrounded by farms and woods, Our closest neighbor was separated from us by a small patch of woods. In the spring the buttercups would bloom on the edge of the woods and I would pick them to take to my little secret place. It was a place where a tree had fallen and there were bushes that surrounded this little circular area that became my castle. I would take my dolls and blankets and live in my secret world.

Because I was often the only child around I spent much time inventing my own worlds. From mud pies to snow houses I put together environments that I filled with imagination.
My parents gave me so much room to create and they were my first and foremost influence even in what I do today. I still create art for my Daddy's approval and praise even though he has been gone for 14 years. My father loved my music and my art.

My mother let me move furniture and use blankets to make houses for myself in the living room. She let me draw a stove and range top on my closet and would let me draw, paint, and color all the time. I think she was a frustrated artist herself. When my cousins built beautiful doll houses out of cardboard boxes, old wallpaperbooks, and magazine pages, my mother helped me make one of my own. She made amazing chairs, sofas and tables out of small boxes. She made lamps out of straws and plastic bottle caps. She instilled in me the idea that ordinary throw away things could become magical with a little imagination.

My father had been a builder and he loved to do carpentry. He taught a 4H woodworking group and I joined it. It was unusual for a girl to do woodworking but my dad thought it was a good idea. So I learned to work with tools and that love continues to this day. I watched my Dad figure out how to do many construction projects that he wanted to do and deep inside I began to believe I could make things too.

As I grew up others encouraged my art. My neighbor John, a tall and quiet farmer, would put each new drawing or painting that I brought him in a special spot over his desk. He did this even during my highschool years. I remember going back to his house as an adult and seeing another child's work displayed in the spot I considered mine and after a twinge of jealousy I realized he was encouraging another young artist.

An artist and signmaker in Oregon took me under his wing and taught me how to use oil paints. He encouraged me to find my own voice. I remember his lessons and his studio. It was a workshop that was covered with paint splatters and cubbyholes where fascinating artsy stuff was stored. Not a beautiful place but a fascinating one.

I had two teachers in grade school, neither of them artists, who saw this side of me and pushed me to use it. Out of all my actual art teachers only one stands out as a help and that was my junior high teacher. The rest often wanted me to follow their specific instructions or to make something just the way they wanted it. So I, being introverted and independent, went underground, finishing projects at home or during study periods, only turning in things when I was satisfied and the process was finished.

Another factor in my life which forced expansion of creativity was lack of finances and resources. When you don't have the means to buy what you need you can either quit or you can learn to use what you have. It is a process of seeing what could be instead of what is and it is a skill that can be developed.

Although I did study some art in college most of my formal training has come from a variety of places. Every once in awhile I get beyond my introverted self and learn from another source. Sewing classes from several different professionals, a painting class or two, but the one that really took me out of my comfort zone was studying scenic art (theater backdrops, theatrical painting) at Cobalt Studios in the Catskills near Woodstalk NY. This was an intensive course from a world renowned scenic artist and associates. Her name was Rachel Keebler and she was amazing. This involved leaving my home and living with 12 other people in a big old house for several weeks. I knew noone, so no comfortable relationship for safety. Everyday we would trek down the path to the huge studio with paint room and painting deck and learn to paint backdrops. We painted all day long and into the night. I was intimidated because everyone was either working in professional theater or theater design majors. I often felt lost and stupid. But one day, Mary Heilman, another of the instructors who paints all over the world for Disney, said that they were giving me difficult projects because I was good and they didn't want me to be bored. I was floored because I had felt so ridiculously awful. It was mindboggling.

This past year I again left my comfort zone and drove myself to Louisville, Kentucky where I took class from Krista Vind at Martin Alan Hirsch's school of decorative finishes. Again I knew no one and I really am quite happy to stay at my home. But everyonce in awhile I find this thing in myself that makes me go into unknown territory to learn something new. And that was an amazing experience also. Plus I got to see Churchhill Downs, the home of the Kentucky Derby, since I was horse mad as a child I had read about this place in many books.

Anyway, this is me, a creative person who is just beginning to feel like a real artist and who believes everyone has a creative ability hidden within them no matter how it is manifested.