Hmm...oddness

My husband read my post and commented about the imaginary alligator I had as a child. "You were born odd," he told me, laughing.  He did not know about my alligator friend, but then he sort of remembered the stuffed one I had for the first years of our marriage; a real stuffed alligator about 2 feet long.  This alligator came into my life from my neighbors, John and Doris, the same neighbors that exhibited my work above John's desk.  I was little, about 5 or 6, when they came back from a trip to Florida.  (Before alligators were declared endangered) They were well aquainted with my fantasy alligator and thought a real one would make me very happy.  They put the beast under their coffee table and invited me in the room to see the gift they had for me.  It scared me spitless.  I did not want anything to do with it.  My imaginary alligator was safe and mine, this thing was downright frightening.  Eventually I adjusted to it and I kept it until it was too old and beat up to keep.
Childhood is the time when we either grow in the creativity that we are born with or it begins to be shut down.  Most children create with ease, crayons, paper, glue, and scissors are tools that they use with ease.  But somewhere along the way they begin to compare their work to others, or some misguided adult gives a less than tactful criticism and the creativity begins to get buried.  Especially if one is an introverted child or a child who thinks or speaks in unique ways, does the desire to fit take over and the sparks can disappear.

We need to return to childhood and rediscover wonder.  It never ceases to amaze me how children see the world.  Everything is new, everything a possibility, everything is worth examining.  Children will stare at an interesting person without the cultural knowledge of rudeness, because they see the differences in people as amazing and fascinating.  Children will sit and watch bugs, or feel the slimy coolness of a worm, or discuss their bodily functions with candor, all because it is so wonderful, so entertaining, so unusual.  But along the way they grow up and they learn to conform, to perform, and to quit noticing.  Yes, the ancient wisdom says to put away childish things, but it also says to become like a child.  Be able to believe, to discover, to see possibilities in ordinary things, to wonder....most of all to wonder.  Children know they are small and the world is big.  Children know they don't have the answers to all the questions and that there are so many more questions than answers.  Children know the fun is in finding out.

So I spend my life trying to remember to wonder.  To hold on to small perfect moments like watching bumblebees, or listening to the sounds of life around me, or watching people as they go about their lives.  I am trying to learn to be like a child, to learn that the person who is so disagreeable and unlikeable has a story too.  And maybe if I take the time to find out what that story is, I will understand them better and see the beauty in them.  I am not good at this, I am a beginner...I am embracing my oddness.