When I was little I had a neighbor, John, who was a farmer and a strong, gentle man.   He took a little girl's drawings and paintings and hung them in a place of honor above his desk.  It was my spot and it made me happy to have my pictures posted there.   Years later, after I was an adult with my own small children,  I visited John again and he had another child's pictures above his desk.   My first reaction was, "that is my spot!" and then my rational adult self took over and I was happy to see another child being encouraged, but there was still a spark of jealousy.  Why is that?
       I watch a tv show from Australia about young dancers and their struggles at prestigious ballet school.  It is not a deep show, but the theme of jealousy is woven throughout and because I love dance and my daughter was a dancer, I like watching the show.   The main character is a young lady with an incredible talent that she doesn't realize that she has and others are jealous and try to sabotage her.  Even a teacher, at one point, lets her jealousy hurt the girl.    This is not so rare.   The art world is competitive and jealousy runs rampant, be it music, fine art, dance, theater..... But the girl's focus is the criticism, the things that are wrong with her dancing, not the things that are right, and in the process often loses the joy that dancing brings her because she never feels good enoughand she often misses the way other people are jealous of her.
      Jealousy is something that all artists and creative people have to deal with.   Not always from ourselves to others, but from others to us.  At the risk of being called an overly sensitive women (see, I have to put a disclaimer) I think it is difficult for women, (especially women who are wives and mothers)  to escape the disapproval and jealousy of others.  Art takes a lot of time and a lot of focus and to do it and to do it well, one has to let some things go.  Maybe traditional things that others consider important.  There is a level that you are allowed to be at, but if you want to be more than just a hobbyist, you often face a lot of condemnation.  Oftentimes it is unspoken, but it is there and it is painful.  I think a lot of it stems from jealousy.
        Oftentimes there is this impression that the person is "showing off" or " egotistical" because their work is on display.  And in all art forms there are those who are doing that, but I would say for most the work is not about showing off.   It is often extremely difficult for artists to believe in their own ability.   We see our mistakes, we see the parts that are unsatisfactory to us, we see the picture in our mind that we have not obtained.  We have a difficult time judging our own work and the work is often a part of our personality.  So learning to take criticism can be difficult because it is like a criticism of our own being, but that doesn't mean we don't want or need criticism.   A good critique can help us move past things we are struggling with and help us see things that we cannot see.  
      We deal with these kinds of questions.   Are we good enough?   Do we have anything important to say?  Are we more than just another piece of sidewalk Elvis's?   Is it finished?  Is it ?   Am I?  How do I balance my family with my art?   Why can't I get through this block?   I did it once, will I ever be able to do it again?
     So how do I deal with this?  I have to admit these kinds of things have held me back.  I fear the resentment of others.   I struggle with time and guilt about other areas of my life.   I'm not the mother or wife  I pictured myself being.   I sometimes ignore the needs of others.   I spend way too much time in my own head.  I get jealous when someone is more talented than I am.  I am human and I have an often fragile ego.
      I have had to learn to let go of some of the ideals I pictured and work with who I am.  I compete with myself in my best times.   I work on sincerely appreciating the talents of others and doing my best to support those talents.   I give back in any little way that I can.  And sometimes I just stick my tongue out and say, "this is the way God made me, so what!"
     My path has led me to a good place, a place where I feel I can grow as an artist.  A place that is forgiving of me when I can't forgive myself.   I am losing the fear of stretching my wings and flying.   Even though I am not a youth, my time is just beginning, my story is still being written and I am endeavoring to live for an audience of one, the one who made me.

http://www.whodoesshethinksheis.net/    
This is the documentary that made me cry because it voiced so many of my feelings about life as a woman artist.